I FINALLY began paying attention to myself when...


Driven by an innate desire to provide a better life for my Son,

than the poor upbringing I had,

I became obsessed with learning everything about success.

In those days, studying business and process improvement

was my hobby, and

I was a workaholic.

Eventually, it was no longer just about providing for my Son.

In just a few years he would be leaving the nest.


I wanted more luxuries, more travel, and I dreamed of having a horse.

Like Thomas Jefferson, I found the harder I worked,

the luckier I became.

And one lucky day, my addiction to consuming knowledge

exposed me to The Law of Attraction,

which would become one of the most

profound influences in my life.

And I was convinced I would be able to attract wealth

by thinking better feeling thoughts and focusing on what I want -

(I later realized it's more complicated than that.)

I learned to become aware of my thoughts.

I found I was very critical and judgmental of myself and others.

My thoughts were far more focused on what I didn't want

than what I did want.

I spent more time thinking about what I didn't have,

versus what I did.

When I wasn't in flow. I was most often feeling frustrated.

There was little room for gratitude.

If my thoughts had been exposed back then,

I'm certain only the miserable would have been my company.

I knew the real me wasn't acceptable,

so I kept that hidden as much as possible.

Tony Robbins, the most successful life and business coach

of all time,

taught me that -

Your primary question shapes your reality.

Your primary question is the one that you ask yourself more than any other question.

Often, you ask this without recognizing it consciously.

I knew that the one I had installed,

"How can I be better? How can I make this better?"

had sharpened the sword of my criticism.

I decided to change it to -

"What's a better feeling thought?"

I remember precisely when a new thought -

a reframe,

resulted in a big shift.

I was walking down the sidewalk in the neighborhood and

came across some dog poo.

The judgment and criticism came through loud and clear.

"How could someone just leave that there?!?

Some people just don't care at all. How lazy can you be?!?"

Then the primary question that

I had posted up

and was reading regularly so

it would be top of mind

popped into my head -

"What's a better feeling thought?"

"Well, maybe the owner wasn't with their dog."

That felt a little better.

"I see a lot of dogs running loose in the neighborhood."

Then more judgment for people that don't take care of their animals...

I was going in the wrong direction with that thought.

"Okay, but sometimes animals dig under fences, or

get out by accident."

That felt better.

So I crafted a storyline from my imagination.

The story that a poor lost stray did it

was just as probable as

the first story that an owner didn't pick up after their pet.

I would never know what happened, and

it didn't matter.

Because I could choose to believe whatever story I wanted.

And I wanted the better feeling one.

That story became part of my reality at that moment.

I chose to see things differently.

The negative thoughts were so pervasive that

I decided to take massive action against them.

I brainwashed myself with positive thoughts,

listening to recordings every day as often as possible,

to fill my mind and take up space so

the negative thoughts had as little room as possible

to speak,

or grow.

New thoughts took over my mind,

I noticed them even when I didn't have a recording on.

I took it to an extreme and

began operating in a state of toxic positivity

that wouldn't allow for any negativity,

not even the sadness of friends,

or my own.

After all, teachings on the Law of Attraction told me not to focus there,

and to "pivot".

Pivoting strengthened optimism,

but it worked about as well as those guys

who go to the gym and

and develop an upper body to die for,

and ignore their legs completely.

It's unbalanced and silly -

only my imbalance was worse -

less silly,

more destructive.

I was fooled by my success though.

I had a 6-figure salary.

I had a gorgeous BMW.

I had a stellar reputation.

I had more friends than ever - quality ones (amazingly.)

I had a Florida dream house - 3200 sq. ft on the water

with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking a lush garden

just like the picture I had on my vision board years before.

I traveled whenever I wanted and always had a trip in the works.

I was in a long-term relationship with one of my childhood friends,

who wrote me love letters when my Mom moved us away -

letters I had kept all those years

after we lost touch.

I had achieved every single goal I had set out for, except

one.

No amount of positive thinking or optimism

was enabling me to conquer that one goal that

eluded me since I was a teen -

maintaining a body I would feel good about,

one that would be prized and appreciated.

At wit's end, I began an analysis of my failure.

I found I was addicted to distractions of all sorts -

Eating and drinking were the main culprits.

I'd lose weight, then

have an emotional upset,

and go back to distracting myself from my emotions.

I had no idea how to handle my emotions.

In fact, I had been conditioned to avoid them.

I realized that if I didn't learn,

I would never achieve my goal because

the pattern was too ingrained.

I was shocked that for years, I had been taught about

an emotional guidance system

and failed to fully understand the concept.

That's when I really began to listen to myself, and

to follow Stephen Covey's principle -

"Seek first to understand."

All that being said, if you do have a persistent negative thought that you would like to transform into an empowering thought, I can help you with that here: https://www.fiverr.com/s/d2GK58


Hi! I'm April Renee

You can find the personal letters I've sent in the past here until I get them up on the new website. Subscribe below to get the new letter sent directly to you each week.

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