They say you can tell a lot about your true self by what you loved as a child…

Your heroes and favorite cartoons are one place to look.

What were yours?

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Some of my favorites were…

She-Ra the Princess of Power and her talking unicorn pegasus, Swift Wind

Rainbow Brite and her talking horse Starlite

The loving, friendly, and talkative Care Bears

The Little Mermaid who wanted to be part of "our world" and talked to sea creatures

Do you see a theme?

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Another thing to consider is what your favorite toys were.

Some of mine were…

My Little Ponies

A plush unicorn

A bouncy horse

And whatever would get me around for adventuring

What were yours?

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I had a thing for horses. It was clear to everyone I was close to.

I always wanted a horse of my own, and I always wanted to work with horses when I grew up.

What did you dream of?

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I made choices that led me away from my dream like so many of us do. Can you relate?

My need for love drove me to marry when I was barely 17, and 4 days before I turned 18 I had my baby boy.

About 18 months later I ran away from my abusive husband while he was at work one day with just some bags and my baby.

I got a job in corporate and climbed the ladder quickly, but sometime in my 20's I realized it wasn't right for me. I wanted to do something more meaningful to me, something I loved.

My dream of working with horses returned to the forefront of my mind.

I decided to pay off my house, car, and school loans by the time I was 30 and start working with horses.

I knew I'd be starting at the bottom of the ladder with minimum wage, but I felt like it would be worth it.

And I did pay off all my debt by the time I was 30,

but I put my need for love ahead of my dreams again.

And I got into debt again - 3 times the debt I had before.

Looking back, the need for love seemed to be nearly as strong as the need to survive.

I was disconnected from my feelings,

which I now know to be a guidance system.

So I was essentially without a guidance system.

I was suffering from a major self-love deficiency and was looking for love in all the wrong places.

I came around eventually.

I started paying attention to myself...to my thoughts and feelings.

And I noticed that I had a bunch of needs that weren't getting met.

And if they were going to get met -

I needed to start taking care of myself.

I started meditating and journaling every day as a way to listen to myself and to understand.

Crystals started calling to me. I wore them and kept them all around the house, including in the space I used for my inner work.

And it was through going inward that I realized I wasn't satisfied with what I had built in my life.

One by one I began to let go of what didn't feel like it was authentically me, or was depleting me.

The first major shift was letting go of my 20-year corporate career. I was an expert in my field, making 6 figures. That was the core of my identity.

I had to let go if I was going to reach out to something new.

Letting go of those golden handcuffs meant I had to let go of my house. That was hard. I'd spent the last 4 years putting so much money and effort into buying, remodeling, furnishing and decorating it.

And with that went most of my belongings.

Then I realized I had to start sharing my feelings, needs, and requests with others,

And stop avoiding conflict...

Stop people-pleasing...

Stop being a martyr.

So the mask came off.

And life started to change dramatically.

Before the house sold, I realized I had to end my 7-year relationship.

Then 2 of my best friends fell away.

My old way of life was gone.

Within a couple of years, I had a clean slate and a great deal of freedom.

I started working with horses.

Then I started living with them.

I was offered an apartment over a barn in exchange for taking care of a herd of 11 horses and some other animals.

It was a dream come true!

I relished being so close to them and being able to build relationships daily.

But there was this nagging sense that this wasn't quite what I was meant to be doing.

I'd felt for years that I was supposed to be on some sort of mission, but I wasn't sure what it was. I felt it was going to have a big impact. And no matter how much I used my imagination, I couldn't see how working with horses aligned with that.

But that was just a feeling. It wasn't based on logic.

I'd always been of the opinion that I would work with horses.

But that feeling kept pulsing within me and I couldn't ignore it.

Nor could I could explain it.

My dream of working with horses had come true…a lifelong dream…

And within months I was grieving my decision to kill that dream.

However, there was another dream that had come into focus when I decided to sell the house a couple of years prior…

to become an RV nomad and see the most beautiful, natural places in the US.

But a lot of people told me that it wasn't safe to travel like that as a single woman.

Besides, I'd never been in a fifth-wheel trailer, let alone driven one.

I knew people would disapprove of my living off of my life savings instead of going back to corporate. Hell, I disapproved of it. It was financially irresponsible to live off of my life savings.

Right?!?

That would be a huge move, unlike anything I'd ever done before and I didn't even know anyone who had done it.

The Shadow of Gene Key 17 is Opinion. And when I started to dig into the opinions that I held, and the ones others were sharing with me, I started to notice something.

Many of them were based on fear.

They also came without supporting evidence.

That includes my own opinions, which were often thoughts that were passed on to me...

Repeated to me in so many ways that I just adopted them as my own.

Now life asked me -

Do you want to move forward in fear?

Or in freedom?

Do you want to go back to a life that's familiar

and has a certain comfort, yet feels inauthentic?

Do you want to play it safe?

Or do you want to do what you've dreamed?

When I write it, it seems silly. Like, of course, I want to do what I dream!

But that isn't how it felt when I was facing such a major shift in my life.

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Shaman Durek said something that hit home for me:

"The first key to knowing yourself is…

Stop talking yourself out of it.

You know you have been!

You have all the reasons why you can't or shouldn't:

I don't have the education.

I don't have the money.

I don't have the experience.

My partner doesn't support me.

On and on it goes.

Stop it.

Stop talking yourself out of it."

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What are your reasons?

I invite you to write them down real quick on whatever is handy.

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More importantly,

what are you

talking yourself out of?

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No amount of analyzing my options led me to a comfortable choice.

But somehow I knew following my dream was the right thing for me. It just felt right.

And once I had a decided heart, I didn't let the opinions of others stop me.

I didn't even let my own opinions get in my way.

I let the far-sightedness of my heart lead. (The Gift of Gene Key 17.)

I followed.

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"There is a voice inside of you

That whispers all day long,

"I feel that this is right for me,

I know that this is wrong."

No teacher, preacher, parent, friend

Or wise man can decide

What's right for you

- just listen to

That voice that speaks inside.

-Shel Silverstein

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I've been a nomad for 2.5 years, and now I'm working with horses again!

And guess what else...

I'm starting to communicate with them!

They have always been an ally.

They resonated with my inner drive for freedom,

and with that part of me that seeks beauty.

Working with them was necessary for my evolution.

And so was listening to my gut feelings.

It's all going to work out for me in a beautiful way,

even though the masterpiece may differ from the sketch that I created as a child.

When we begin to free ourselves from what other people think,

and have conditioned us to think,

we open ourselves more to that voice inside that wants to guide us.

Meditation, crystals, contemplation, and journaling were all part of my path to tune in. They supported me in honing in on my gut feelings.

And that bloomed into psychic sense of claircognizance (clear-knowing).

Gut feelings are connected to the solar plexus chakra and gut-brain system.

Certain crystals can help you tune in to your solar plexus system, and develop clarity, so you can sense the truth beyond the noise...

beyond the Shadow of Opinion.

I've partnered with Crystal Focus Alchemy to identify some crystal allies for you.

When you look at the images below, do you get a feeling about any of them?

If you feel the nudge to order one of them, just click on the image. The prices shown in the captions are accurate as of today. Each one is unique.

I'll share more about this story in the next letters. I'll weave my story with lessons I learned along the way, until I get to share about what's happening now. It's magical and wonderous, and beyond what I ever imagined.

There is much love for you here,