You never know what’s going to happen in life. If you aren’t being true to yourself, you may lose yourself entirely. You have no idea how far-reaching the consequences will be as they ripple out around you.

Here’s my story:

(First, I just want to say that I’ve processed and healed this. All is well with me. This story happened in 2010. And I'm going to tell you the bright side of how this contributed to transforming me and my life.)

I got a call from our CEO to rescue a project in critical condition for a new client we were bringing on board.

They were/are one of the largest energy companies in the US and the world. Our company had allowed the project to get 3.5 months behind schedule.

This was unacceptable because their current vendor was closing their facility in 6 weeks. If we didn’t complete the project on time, millions of customer’s energy payments wouldn’t get processed.

I had never been called on by the CEO like this. If someone didn’t save this project it could be disastrous for our business and the energy company. So I agreed on the spot.

I didn’t realize what this project was going to take. My new schedule turned into 7 days a week 16 hours a day - 112 hours a week. I was on salary and I was not offered any extra pay.

As the project neared completion, I did take one weekend day off.

I didn’t know how to relax so I went to a mall I had never been to.

As I was wandering around my Dad called me. It had been months since I talked to him but I decided to ignore him.

I just didn’t have the energy.

I didn’t call him back either.

I was too busy.

And within a couple of weeks,

he was dead.

I was the first to find out. The police came to my house to inform the next of kin.

The shock immobilized me that first day.

I was given three days’ leave from work, but I was still on call for the project.

The second day my Brother and I went to my Dad’s house.

I had an intuitive hit several times to take my Dad’s guns.

Weird...I didn't need or want guns.

The next day my Dad’s live-in girlfriend of about 15 years shot herself -

dead.

I blamed myself for what she did because I didn’t take the guns.

The day after that I had to be back to work on that crazy project with the insane schedule.

And within days I somehow decided to take on managing my Dad’s cremation

and his “celebration of life”,

and becoming the executor of his estate.

I was well practiced in denying my feelings and disassociating but this really started pushing the limits of my capacity to do so.

This was the beginning of me saying “no” at work:

I was still working on the insane project when our CEO called me again. This time he asked if I would take on a critical project for one of the top three banks in the US.

Internally incredulous, I managed to tell calmly him that there were no more hours left in my day.

I told him about my schedule, but there was no offer of support.

This is what it took. This event pushed the absolute limits of my distorted strength as a high-achieving, go-getter, and

exposed the weakness of the feminine principle within -

the lack of care for myself that was detrimental to my well-being,

and to that of the people around me.

This was a very hard lesson that nearly broke me.

You don't need to learn this the hard way. Please take these lessons and transform weakness and exhaustion into resolve and equality:

1. My reputation didn’t suffer when I told the CEO “no” so I began saying “no” at work more and more.
2. (But the full truth is that reputation doesn’t matter in comparison to your personal wellness.)
3. Some companies will bleed you dry if you’re weak and acquiesce as I had been doing.
4. Some people will too.
5. Know when to stop and know when to say no.
6. My weakness, a deficiency in self-care, enabled a massive depletion of my physical, mental, and emotional energy. This created dis-ease. Then I spread it to those closest to me. I unconsciously projected this dis-ease out as anger and disdain for others. To prevent this it's important to -
   1. Be aware of how you feel
   2. Allow the energy of your feelings to move through you
   3. Understand what your feelings are telling you about what you need
   4. Meet your needs in a healthy way

Part of me is glad I don’t remember much of this traumatic time. I can only imagine what I put my son and personal assistant through.

If you’ve been feeling exhausted, these contemplations can help you understand your situation:

1. In what areas of my life, relationships, projects, etc… do I feel exhausted?
2. Do I need to set boundaries?
3. Do I know when to stop?
4. To say “no”?
5. Am I certain what is a true "yes" for me?

That last question is where this exhaustion begins to transform into resolve.

Saying “no” at work enabled a greater work-life balance. It opened up space for me to relax if I chose to, or to focus on what my heart was calling me toward.

Within a year, a friend invited me to a 4-day event called “Unleash the Power Within”. I had the space to do it and the “yes” came quickly.

In that event, there was an invite to another event “Date with Destiny”…

An even bigger - YES! That next event strengthened my resolve. I committed to following my intuition in relationships instead of my mind.

See, I didn’t trust my mind anymore to make relationship decisions. It had gotten me into trouble so many times and caused so much suffering.

And as Albert Einstein said, “The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them.”

My heart called me to explore developing my intuition and so I did.

I practiced and it blossomed in ways I didn’t realize were possible for me.

It felt magical and delightful, soothing and nurturing.

I began to trust it more and more.

So when I fully awakened to the reality of my life, I had a built-in support system.

And though the choices my heart told me that I needed to make were very hard,

I trusted it when it told me it would all work out, and

It was right for me.

After the dust settled, I got invited to fulfill a lifelong dream of living and working with horses,

and then my heart called me into this nomadic soul journey in 2021,

hiking in the most beautiful locations in the US,

communing with nature,

allowing me to rest and recuperate -

with plenty of time for introspection to

allow my authentic self to form in the chrysalis of my being.

I am now in the best era of my life,

Living a life I love -

And I’m just getting started.

This letter was inspired by Gene Key 40, which covers the Shadow of Exhaustion and the Gift of Resolve. It forms a biofeedback loop with Gene Key 37, which covers the Shadow of Weakness and the Gift of Equality.

If this sparks an interest in the Gene Keys, I would love to share them with you and help you understand how they are at work in your life. Please reach out to me, or

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